Hello!!!
My name is Shelly, and I’m the Mother of a murdered child. My beautiful Son, Julian, was murdered on November 24, 2020. What started out as a normal day, with my family going to work and Julian dropping off his Sons to their mother, then heading to HVAC school. Turned into the day we’ll forever relive. No one could have told me that was my Son’s life would end at 2:45PM. No one could have told me that would be the last time I saw my child alive. On that day, not only did his murderers end his life, but mine as well. Everything I knew and believed, stopped. That day, my soul seemed to have stopped existing. I went from planning Thanksgiving Dinner for my family to advocating for justice and planning a repass and service for my child.
I’ve had to make the choice to keep going. To make it to the next day, sometimes, to the next minute. I’ve learned that there is no one way to grieve. Nor is there one way to deal with the death of your child. In the beginning you’re on autopilot. All you know is that you have to make arrangements to bury your child. During all of “WHY’s/ This can’t be real!!!/ Why my child? / Tell me what happened” you still must “Entertain” all your guest. Answer “What happened”, a million times.
You see the real grief/grieving begins when the calls and visits end. When all you have is time. Time to feel the pain, time to come up with a list of “What if’s”. At times you’ll go through all 5 Grief stages at one time.
I remember being mad, depressed, angry, in denial and at times just lost. Those feelings never leave. I’ve learned to navigate what I’m feeling. I allow myself to feel EVERYTHING the good, indifference and the pain. I even allow myself to have my “blah” moments. I stopped saying “I’m good” to appease others. I stopped entertaining others when all I want to do is sit in my quiet place and….. FEEL. This is when you’ll realize who is really in your corner. You see, you’re going to lose “friends” and family members. Most often it’s because they will not want to hear you relive the most devastated time of your life. The calls and visits will come to a halt. And that’s okay. Not everyone is supposed to understand. This is a journey that most people will never understand, unless they have been in your shoes.
It's very important to allow yourself to feel ALL you’re feeling. Remember there is no one way to grieve. Everyone will grieve in their own way and time. Husbands grieve differently from their Wives. Siblings will grieve differently from each other and their parents. You cannot fault yourself for feeling what you feel, when you feel it.
So, remember, feel all you’re feeling. When your ready to come out of what you’re feeling, you’ll come out. Don’t rush through your pain. Don’t rush through your sadness. Don’t rush through your grief.
And when you’re ready to talk, call me 😊